Resilience

We have all been through a rough time since the last post.  Julie struggled to cope when she left hospital.  There was one crisis after another: repeated visits to accident and emergency to stitch things up, or mop up overdoses.

It was very tough on all of us.  There have been quite a lot of urgent phone calls, last minute cancellations, and occasional panicky drives through rush-hour traffic.  After long nights spent in hospital waiting rooms, or sleeping on Julie's floor, often after putting in a long day at work, all we wanted was to sleep in our own bed, or eat a proper dinner.

For about a week everything was up in the air - you never quite knew when you might get a midnight phone call, or have to rush out of work. Then gradually it settled down. The gaps between crises slowly lengthened, and there was a little more time to breathe.

Resilience is getting back to normal as quickly as you can.  It's dropping back from constant alert.  In crisis, you're checking up on her three or four times during the day, out of crisis you might go all day without being in touch.  You can make plans again - and it's important to make plans - you can put energy back into your work, your friendships, your marriage, your hobbies.  After the crisis is over it's so important to get these things back quickly: things that were hurriedly cancelled or thrust to one side during the time of emergency.

Because it's only by having other things in your life that are meaningful that you can cope with these emergencies at all. You need something to return to after the rollercoaster of emotion: even if it's just taking time to sit down with a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.  And these things need as much investment of your time and energy as the person you care for.   It takes a while for this to sink in.  At first, when someone you love, especially a child, has such a terrible illness, you instinctively put every ounce of your energy into them.  But in the long-term you realise: you have to survive too.  And to do that, you have to make the time to have a laugh with friends, go out with your partner, and buy some nice biscuits to go in your biscuit tin.

Because if there's one thing this illness teaches you, it's that the next emergency might be just around the corner.