Warning: Moods Can Go Down as Well as Up

Warning - moods can go down as well as up, and your heart may be repossessed if you don't keep up your spirits.

When I posted my last post I had a superstitious presentiment that it would lead to a downturn!  And sure enough, the very next morning I had to drive Julie over to the clinic to get a fresh cut dressed.  We've been in the doldrums pretty much ever since.

If truth be told, it hardly required much foresight to guess that Julie's good mood wouldn't last.  I have spent two years watching her being tossed up and down on seas of emotion, so it's not so much a matter of using my head to analyse the situation, as just listening to my gut instinct.  This last week was lovely as far as it went - but it wasn't (yet) signs of the sustained recovery we're looking for.  But there you go - I'm sure it was a welcome break for Julie anyway.  You never know what will be round the corner, and the present difficulties won't last for ever either.

What is good, and new, about the present situation, is that she is still being supported by the hospital.  Unlike her last discharge, the hospital team are still seeing a lot of Julie this time, and that means that they are seeing these difficulties for themselves.  I wish she wasn't having days when she is so agitated that she needs sedation, but if she has to have them, I'd much rather she had them with the full hospital team supporting her, rather than just me on my own at home. The hospital staff phone me up now after a difficult day, just as she sets off in a taxi back home, so I can brace myself for the evening ahead.  I wish I didn't have to have those phone conversations about her either, but I'd so much rather have this than return to the days when there was no (useful) communication with the hospital, and we felt so isolated.  There is a genuine sense of being part of a supportive team now, and I noticed that my first thought after we had dealt with the self-harm on Monday, was to pick up the phone and talk to the hospital about it, which is something I would probably not have bothered with last year.

There is a positive to be found too in the last self-harm incident.  It wasn't as deep as usual - which may or may not be meaningful.  But I was proud of myself for being able to triage it more effectively - crucially, recognizing that she didn't need stitches.  It meant that I didn't have to take her to A&E, which takes hours and is very disruptive; I phoned the local GP surgery and took her to the nurse to help me with the dressing.  I felt a lot less drained by the experience than in the past, partly because I was in control and had an appointment time with the local nurse, instead of having to cope with the vagaries of the A&E waiting room.  It was much easier to flow on around the incident, and focus on giving Julie emotional support.