Should Julie Leave Home for University?

What is going to happen after sixth form college?  Julie is starting to look at her options.  We have been to an open day at the local university and she is talking about going to more open days in universities further afield after her exams are finished this summer.  The college has been encouraging her year group to start thinking seriously about the applications for university they will be making next year.

I am in two minds about Julie leaving home for university.  No, I'm lying: I am in one mind, but I am reluctant to say it.  My gut instinct is that she is not going to be ready to leave home in 18 months time.  She is still very vulnerable: even that open day at the local university, its corridors crowded by sixth formers, was very difficult for her, we had to leave early.  If it's not clear she could even handle an open day on her own, what are the chances of her negotiating the perfect storm of new city, new studies and Fresher's Week?  Remember that this is a young woman who is still highly dependent: her college recently put in a successful bid to have her support hours increased to twenty hours a week, which means that she is currently supported one-to-one by a specialist member of staff two thirds of the time she spends there.  At home, we still have to make sure that there is someone around for support after college and at weekends almost all the time, leaving her alone in the house only by prior agreement.  It feels as if we are still a long way away from the day when we wave her off goodbye.

I would be much happier if she started her university studies at home, at the local university, and worked towards independent living in her second or third year, or even after graduation.  The local university has a good course in the subject she wants to study - just as good a course as any she could find further afield.  She knows the city well, would be able to travel in on the bus, and Joe and I could be on hand for support, encouragement, occasional taxi duty and, if it comes to it, emergencies.  We would be more than happy to do this for her, buying her the time we think she needs to recover from her illness, enjoy her student days and qualify in her chosen field, without the pressure of having to cope with living alone.

I am reluctant to spell this out to her because I do not want to be the one that is seen to be holding her back.  I know that she can probably do more than either of us believes, that there is a danger in learned dependency, and that living away from home is a key part of growing up.  But at the same time, I have been a student myself, and I know that though it can be fun, it it can also be very stressful.  I loved my student years - and had many wonderful life-changing experiences - but there were still occasional periods of intense loneliness, anxiety and over-work.  To navigate through these challenges requires a certain resilience.  I am sure Julie will achieve this resilience in time, but I am not sure that 18 months is long enough.

But perhaps I am being over-protective.  I have tried to push her into taking risks in the past, but am I now standing in her way? Should I take a deep breath, keep quiet and let her find out for herself?