Private Emotion

Julie has been making good progress with her CAT therapy.  As she approaches the magic number of 16 sessions, the therapist wants her to continue for a little longer, convinced that she is beginning to break through and make real progress.

The CAT therapist has spoken to me at some length about Julie's work with her.  I was invited to one of the sessions to hear a letter written by the therapist to Julie (apparently the letters are a standard part of CAT).  The therapist also asked me to follow up the work by talking to Julie at home.

It is an odd feeling listening in on somebody else's therapy.  Julie is my daughter, and we are close, but I respect the fact that she has her own internal life.  There are emotions and there are thoughts that we have that can be difficult to share with anyone.  There are plenty of emotions and thoughts that any teenager would hate to share with a parent. Is it right for me to see deep into Julie's inner world?  Is it actually useful?  Could we harm our relationship?

Despite the reservations, I have reluctantly agreed to be involved.  These emotions and thoughts are particularly explosive - so toxic that Julie has repeatedly been driven to desperate acts of self-harm.  Acknowledging them may be frightening, but it may be the only way to diminish their power.  The therapist hopes that by sharing these emotions and thoughts with me, and seeing me cope with them, Julie will learn to cope in her turn.  Of course I feel I have to try to help - any mother would - even as I wonder why this therapist thinks I am so very capable.  It is nice she feels so much confidence in me; I wish I had more confidence in myself; I feel a bit over-burdened.

I have to admit we have not done much of our homework - Julie and I have had only brief snatched and inconclusive conversations about the therapy so far.  I am none too keen to start, she would rather have teeth pulled, but the real problem is finding time and privacy.  I think families sometimes harbour secrets and taboos not because no one wants to discuss them, but because no one has the time or the energy.  Homes are not places for therapy: they are places to eat, sleep, study, relax, grumble.  Once you have four people trying to squeeze all this into twenty-four hours there is not a lot of time left over for searing emotional honesty.