Can I Do This? Yes, I Can!

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post agonising about whether or not to give an interview that could be used in a training course for CAMHS doctors.  The general idea was that I could describe what it was like to be a parent.  On one hand I was flattered to be asked, but on the other I wasn't quite ready to talk publicly.

Of course I took the opportunity in the end!  What if something I said stuck in someone's mind and made them think twice about a decision?  I coped with the emotional charge by just concentrating on a few things, and I said up-front that I couldn't talk about everything because it was too raw and emotional.  I made some notes in advance, and it took me endless false starts before I felt I had the right amount of material, that wasn't too personal, and which made sense.  The two issues I concentrated on were making home leave more predictable by involving parents in decision-making, and how they passed on reports of self-harm over the phone to the family.

What really struck me when I finally finished my notes for the interview was how many of the problems were just caused by normal human failure or lack of imagination.  Those self-harm reports, for example - they must have been a good thing for someone once.  Perhaps before those reports, families just didn't know if their child had hurt themselves badly; what an unpleasant shock on the next visit.  But I had problems, not with the reports themselves, but with the way they were delivered without sympathy or support.  It did need someone to create a system where empathy and reassurance were top of the agenda, but at the end of the day it is still down to the skills of an individual nurse, and how they interact with the family.

So I did give my interview, and though I felt I was a bit over-rehearsed, the result looked good - hats off to the person who did the editing and fitted it into their final presentation.  Apparently it was well-received; I saw feedback which suggested that the people on the course had really listened.  It was a surprising opportunity but I think on balance I am glad I did it.

Meanwhile, Julie is managing remarkably well.  I am nervous about putting it down on paper - superstitiously believing that if I go out without an umbrella it will definitely rain.  She has managed to sit another exam, making three so far this year; she has carried on going to the hospital for two or three days each week; she has continued to volunteer at a charity shop every week.  The most amazing thing is that she has managed to read a couple of books (concentration problems).  There is something much more stable and resilient about her at the moment - her mood does drop occasionally but, with help, she can usually weather it. We have now had two or three weeks of calm and stability, perhaps the longest period yet.  She is still being supervised more or less continuously - by me, or Joe, or the hospital, or Rhiannon - but gradually we are stepping back a little.  And of course there is the new addition to the team of the amazing Violet who will make sure Julie has no chance of stagnating!