Are we still at square 1? Well no, according to Julie we're on square 26 - and a half. It's a pretty long slog, and no ladders in sight at the moment. We just have to hope for a bit of luck in future.
It's harder because we've already made it up the board once before. There were some really good moments on the way - the few days we spent at the beach at Easter were fantastic, and there was a trip to London to the theatre as well. But these came a lot later (probably somewhere round square 74) and we have a lot of ground to make up first. And of course next time as we're passing through the same stages, it's only human to feel a little bit of doubt that this might not be the last time.
If it's hard on us, it's really hard on Julie. Fifteen year olds don't want to spend months recovering - they want to be better now. She wants to be normal. It's only a few weeks since she found it impossible to come home and cope on her own with the barage of attacks from her voices. But this is now all in the past and she's starting to get the upper hand again. It still seems rather too close to comfort for us, but it's all ancient history for her. It's maddening that all these adults who direct her life in such detail - the consultant, the nursing staff, her parents, the teachers - don't see it from her point of view and let her get back to normal straight away. While we're banging on about making a plan in case of emergencies, she wants to dive straight back in without a safety harness.
Security and risk - the two dogs that follow the mentally ill round. Some day, wouldn't it be wonderful to have a conversation about Julie, that didn't feature either security or risk, and that just dwelt on how wonderful she is, and how talented, and how brave.
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